released October 10, 2023

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-redo-
get off your phone. live life.
still all alone.
although it seems like we're all communicating,
like we're not just masturbating to a picture of ourselves.
filtered through the hell.
no space to be held.
alive.
how can i live if i don't die?
some things are meant to do, not try.
kept just like a secret.
sweet moments of weakness.
you will not believe this.
and guess what happened this time.
everything i try tp say, i say it in a different way.
i don't mean to offend.
i'd rather it just end.
begin it all again.
allow me to rephrase...
delete all the mistakes.
but it don't work that way in real life.

-antihero=
i can't save you. that's not my style.
i don't wanna change you. just see you thrive.
ask yourself the question. answer til it's right.
you'd know you much better than them or i.
one step at a time. one thing that you needed.
it's funny what you find when you really mean it.
sing it. scream it. defeat it.
don't push it down inside, just to repeat it.
so no, i can't save you. that's not my vibe.
but i know you got it in you. keep that fire.
you'll get hurt, tired, demoralized, cry. but that's life.
you pick what you do with it.
let it go, or be your own victim.
you decide.

-purity-
clean cut. paid redemption.
done bad. as good as fiction.
no need again to mention.
can't i decide i've been purified?
i've gotten filthy. run me through the machine.
i've knelt down to the king. kissed the ring.
so sorry.
you believe me, right?
i'm not who i used to be.
i'm a real good guy now. yeah.
i've renewed my purity.
cause that's how it works.
if you look to the heavens and you say the right words,
in a matter of seconds you'll be singing with the birds.
beautiful. fresh and pure.
that's the cure for acting poor.
own it up. spill your guts.
no secrets. instead, you're filled with the light.
you believe me, right?
i'm not who i used to be.
i'm a real stand-up guy now... yeah.
i've renewed my purity.

-disconnection-
trust in the process. and make it personal.
i wish i could access the deepest pits of your soul.
you must think me a fool. well, i sure do too.
like thread wrapped around a spool,
i wanna be wrapped around you.
but, i forgot how to love.
i guess if you wanna try me, you can try me this once.
emptiness inside me cause i spilled all my guts.
one day hope my love will find me.
but, i forgot how to love.
i feel bad for not feeling. it's hard to explain.
but we can try to do some healing.
although i probably won't change.
connection is strange. i feel so out of range.
let me pick your brain. maybe we could engage.
but, i forgot how to love.

-losers-
tell myself i gotta have it. habit.
chase the high just like a rabbit.
hope i catch it. if i could be so lucky.
nothing. no nothing. please just let me feel something.
live the dream. so serene.
sanctuary. i'll take all that i can carry.
it's temporary.
it's all the same. if life's a game,
can i ever really win if i never learn how to play?
so the losers say, "try to take the pain away".
that's what the losers say.
people love a story, so life seems much less boring.
they say, "tell me all about your suffering".
i'm sure they can relate. carrying the weight.
a competition. heavier mistakes. so exhausting.
well, how do you treat your pain?
what pill do you take?
what courage do you drink?
what love do you fake?
it's all the same...
it's a losing game.

-illusion-
slave to the money. slave to the trade.
i think it's kinda funny how we really don't own a thing.
the illusion. constitutional human rights.
they take what they like. a one sided fight.
yeah, thats the standard. to comply, with pride.
swinging the hammer. work til you die.
indirect answers. they cheat and they lie.
taxation is cancer. and we're on borrowed time.
somebody once told me one day i could be anything that i want.
so i thought i'd be free. silly me.
i guess i misunderstood the curriculum given by the authority.
so they tacked on a fee. i call it "poverty"
If you haven't been reminded in awhile,
corruption relies on denial.
and it hides in plain sight with an insincere smile, saying,
"follow the standard. work til you die"
well, taxation is cancer, and we're all on borrowed time.

-sale-
we were sitting around, joking hard.
they said, "kid, you're gonna be a star".
welcomed the attack with open arms.
know it for a fact they meant no harm.
responded back with rude remarks,
about the talent that i lack.
making sure to be overly harsh.
they had a laugh... how unrealistic.
i gotta sell my broken heart.
it's been a long time coming.
the world can watch me fall apart,
all while i keep on strumming.
i'm just another nobody name.
front row seats to all my pain.
try to live a normal life, i go insane.
just can't keep the music out my brain.
sometimes i hate the way i think.
they say im living in a pipe dream.
i'm told if all i wanna do is play,
i'll never accomplish anything.

-morning-
i wanna see you naked. vunerable.
even though we gotta fake it, i'll pretend that i'm yours.
and everything i said will be dead in the morning.
i wanna see your skeleton. i wanna feel your guts in my hands.
we don't gotta see one another again if you don't want to.
well, i don't want to.
and everything i said will be dead in the morning.

-before-
you can't know me now.
cause if you're calling me out, you could ruin the game,
you could ruin my name. like it ever stayed the same.
multiple faces. always changing.
nothing before worth keeping score.
you seem unsure of your placement.
you must have prior arrangements.
that's not my problem then. none of my business.
secretive intentions. will not bear witness.
cannot understand this. pointless on my end.
one of a million.
nothing before worth even a thought.
leave you wanting more.
maybe if you die i'll finally let you stop.
but i'll never let you in on the plot.
you should be happy with what you got.
got em waiting in line to take the spot.
you become another "before that was not".

-well-
life is short
and uncertain
that i'm sure
it is worth it
rich or poor
you're a person
with less or more
to keep you going
overflow
til there's nothing
left to grow
missing something
slow approach
keep on running
like you know
the end is coming
life is short
keep on living
you get what's yours
and that's all you're given