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all to myself

by jakewolf

/
1.
won't you tell me why i always gotta explain? i could have sworn yesterday i said the same thing. i like to tell myself she just forgot what i said. but it's pretty plain to see... maybe i just need to get it through my head. no, she don't wanna be with me. i kinda get the feeling that she likes the attention. but baby, don't play my heart like your gaming system. i like to tell myself she don't reply because her phone is dead. but it's pretty plain to see... maybe i just need to get it through my head. no, she don't wanna be with me. no, no, baby i ain't got time to explain. i just been so busy, you know, doing my thing. sure i'd love to hang with you and keep company. but girl, i ain't no fool. i know it's temporary. you don't wanna be with me.
2.
i got a way with words. i'm told this some days by strangers. but since they don't know me how can they tell? i made a meaning all to myself. i got a way with singing so nice. sometimes i'm asked if i'll do it twice. but if i don't wanna, i won't do it so well. i must do it best when i'm all to myself. hey, wanna hang out?
3.
god forbid 04:16
i am not a safety net. safe bet. high on dreams. don't forget. what would would you do if you lost it? balance. the final act. don't slip up. don't fall. you could lose it all. i am not the inbetween. i am not the changing scene. i am not the back-up act. i am everything you lack. like you deserve it. like i was worth it. glory imperfect. drawing the curtains. it's false. it's all been false. smoke and mirrors. moving walls. forced tears. forced results. open ears. open vaults. it's all been false. all along. above it all. i knew i was alone. don't slip. don't fall. you could lose it all. god forbid you lose it all.
4.
sorry if i let you down. how was i supposed to know? why do i still feel so alone? now that you want me around. i'm not saying you should go. i'm done saying much at all. nothing left to show. empty as my heart. hope. hope it helped you move on. oh, did you get what you want? no? but i was bleeding me dry. why? what would you find? we sure did kill some time. worthy of the price. don't act so surprised. just hush and take your prize. must be nice. picking what you like. that sure did seem so difficult, trying hard to find, all the while hidden inside.
5.
i'm not supposed to get it. i'm not supposed to understand. surely purely senseless. situations' been outta my hands. ain't gotta thing to do with my plans. won't be pretending i got any friends. poor tasteless, no pot to piss in. something still missing. just like i am. sorry not a chance. no you didn't. now you can't. i don't make the rules, i just point out the facts. treat it like trash, no, you'll never get it back. empty pockets now wants it. well, how about that? self-destructive dishonest, fell into your own trap. excusable romance.
6.
drag me down 03:02
reaching out, said, "i need help". can't explain how i can tell what it's really all about. fake the pain. used as bait. hurting yourself. you just want to drag me down. felt you pull. denial. tell me i don't try at all. say you do, just to stall. only talk in full circles. tell me i'm the one being hurtful, when i point it out. you just want to drag me down. dead weight hate. say you'll change, to keep me around while we drown. manipulate. time to waste. waiting to hear the next lie from your mouth.

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released June 7, 2019

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jakewolf Nowhere Else, Australia

thank you for all of your support. no really. i am very amazed you're still here.

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